Why don’t we notice little things until after the moment has long past???
I mean I would rather love to bask in the glow while its happening instead of always doing it in conversations…lol
Thursday I took my kids school shopping before the fiasco of non acceptance 2017 took place yesterday (thats another story for another time 😉 )
My thinking never crossed to how school shopping for my kids use to be in the past… to me it was a routine day of picking up this, going there to drop this off… you know the list of to dos to complete but to my kids it had to feel AMAZING!!!!
Every year until this year they would experience this scenario Diary……
“Grab something they wanted beyond measure to only get crushed with no how about this one its cheaper 😦 As a mom at the time it felt more like survival for me instead of crushing a child’s heartfelt wants and granted I never thought about it like that until TODAY.”
Thursday I got to see my kids go through the aisles and pick what they wanted for school supplies and backpacks 🙂 Not once did I have to say Hey what about this one unless it was to help a sista out with color matching..lol… making it a TOTALLY fun event for all of us instead of the dreaded, angry shopping that always took place 🙂
Sometimes I have to pinch myself in AMAZEMENT on how things are being set in motion for me and my family … lol
Diary I am doing it…. I am changing everything negative one day at a time…. I am CREATING my dream life!!!!
Yesterday a good friend/fellow coach pointed out how I have been more focused on how I feel body wise than looking healthy. And for a brief moment the statement twisted something inside me but I quickly hid it by discussing something else further… you know how we are as women… we divert the conversation when SHIT gets a little too real. Not even realizing I was doing this we got into another discussion but that statement lingered and my subconscious knew I would want to investigate it later on.
And wouldn’t you know it Diary it came right back up in my head this morning during my meditation 🙂 The perfect chance to just sit and listen to what you have to tell yourself…so to speak 😉
Why had I stopped focusing on my outside???
I now know why I rushed my friends statement under the rug bc I was uncomfortable with REALLY looking at why I stopped focusing on my outside. I wish I could say it was from me not being petty but no….. the truth is for too long I have been focused on how I feel bc of my fibromyalgia. Questions that use to never come up now plague my days…..How does your body feel after eating, How much pain throughout the day did you have and What stressful body wise activities have you done today 😦
Instead of allowing my condition to help me it has become MY stopping point 😦
Talk about a low blow to my psyche this morning.
Spending some time in front of my mirror seeing for the first time with new eyes what my body really looks like was met with tears, wows, and you look beautiful girl.
For the first time in months I didnt wake up asking how I felt either…that SHIT is stopping too 😉
I am gonna wake up, breathe in this wonderful life and know that I am gonna make a difference today 🙂
I define me not the other way around!!!!! Its time I start living that way 🙂
When is it time to put me first???
When my body can no longer stand.
When my mind is no longer my own.
When my soul is drenched in others blame games.
Diary when is it gonna be ok for me to come first???
By me coming first I mean my decisions on what to eat, what to feel, what to do with my spare time….. when will I stand up and say ENOUGH???
Uuuuuummmmm NOW 🙂
I can no longer allow others to stop me from wanting more for myself. I am just as much to blame as them for allowing them that type of control for so long.
No more control!!!!
I am a big girl hell I AM A WOMAN and I DO know what is good for me!!!!
Diary its time to take back control over all aspects of my life and enjoy the adventure 🙂
I am ready!!!!!!!!
I thought I was above those petty feelings… guess not 😦
For the past few months I have been religiously working out in the mornings, well this morning my beloved BOD was down 😦
Site getting a major over haul done to it which I do like by the way but Diary the upset after already waking up crabby was enough for me to get in a tailspin and act a fool. I am ashamed at myself because I really thought I was above that anger and hatefulness. Goes to show you that as humans we are always striving to be better each day and these are my beginnings.
But unlike other days that start off this way today I did something I hadn’t done before…. I meditated and released ……..by releasing you make a shift happen….. you make what you want happen.
So what did I make happen???
I meditated, finished my workout, and RELEASED all that tension, frustration, and morning anger…now I feel happier 🙂
The I Matter Movement has begun for myself……..
I am no longer happy with not doing the things I use to to feel like a confident badass woman. Now before you start about natural and inner beauty shining to radiate confidence yes I believe in all that too but there is something to my lashes/eyebrows being done and the lip gloss on that makes me feel like I can conquer the day true girlboss fashion 😉 Regardless if I am in heels, wedges, sweat pants, or tshirts I can totally move mountains on these days.
Somewhere I had lost the pizzazz to keep my hair edgy/spunky looking, my eyebrows waxed, and my lashes going strong…. one time in my life these things used to be so important for me to feel like I have the world at my hands. These things being done and maintained really helps me to feel more empowered. I am not gonna pretend I am not this kind of woman anymore bc I so am THIS woman and it is time I embrace it 🙂
I like the nicer things of life which doesnt make me feel bad anymore and then there is a side to me that loves to help, to run free in a meadow, and feel mud between my toes… these things do not make me weird, stuck up, or any other negative words I have heard in the past… nope these things just make me one wonderful human being 😉
Its time to embrace all of who I am.
There is just something about sunrises and sunsets 🙂
Standing at the window tea in hand listening to some beautiful meditation music and just REALLY taking it all in….sunrises are just magical at times…. being there in that moment, breathing in the pure innocence of the start to a new day had me really examining my life changes with JOY in my heart and pondering a little on what my coach/ friend had mentioned to me last night.
I know …why are you thinking while meditating???
This one incident Diary I feel like was needed to explore a deeper issue for me. See for every Core De Force Challenge I have had the same cold symptoms at the same time on each round… every time on the 2nd week I suffer from what feels like major sinus issues but I feel fine otherwise and my mucous hasnt turned green so I have been stumped 😦
Since I was so stumped I brought it up with my coach and good friend about this crazy cycle I am experiencing and always in the peak of everything going my way. She mentioned a video called Upper Limit. I admit I checked it out with mixed feelings at first. I felt like there was no way I was self sabotaging my workouts. I was showing up, getting those workouts in, feeling good, and really digging in to get results…or so I thought.
Short version of what Upper Limit is…… YOUR subconscious plays havoc with your body 😦 Meaning deep down I knew I felt like the weight loss shouldnt be this easy for me. I dont know what I expected but once the results started kicking in I felt my body involuntary move 2 steps back 😦
Today I surrounded myself with two things a beloved shirt that says Love is Enough and a cherished bracelet that states I Matter…. I kept these statements in my head all day allowing my happiness of where my body changes are to really become STRONGER than before and you know what Diary… it worked!!!!! I felt a lot better today with less nose drainage than the day before. Purely amazes me how strong our minds REALLY are at times 🙂
……and tonight I worked out for ME… I needed to take a break from sharing that important time with others and focus on it being ok for me to hit my goals…. I am gonna hit my goals and taking on this Upper Limit problem is just the starting point for me 😉