Yesterday a good friend/fellow coach pointed out how I have been more focused on how I feel body wise than looking healthy. And for a brief moment the statement twisted something inside me but I quickly hid it by discussing something else further… you know how we are as women… we divert the conversation when SHIT gets a little too real. Not even realizing I was doing this we got into another discussion but that statement lingered and my subconscious knew I would want to investigate it later on.
And wouldn’t you know it Diary it came right back up in my head this morning during my meditation 🙂 The perfect chance to just sit and listen to what you have to tell yourself…so to speak 😉
Why had I stopped focusing on my outside???
I now know why I rushed my friends statement under the rug bc I was uncomfortable with REALLY looking at why I stopped focusing on my outside. I wish I could say it was from me not being petty but no….. the truth is for too long I have been focused on how I feel bc of my fibromyalgia. Questions that use to never come up now plague my days…..How does your body feel after eating, How much pain throughout the day did you have and What stressful body wise activities have you done today 😦
Instead of allowing my condition to help me it has become MY stopping point 😦
Talk about a low blow to my psyche this morning.
Spending some time in front of my mirror seeing for the first time with new eyes what my body really looks like was met with tears, wows, and you look beautiful girl.
For the first time in months I didnt wake up asking how I felt either…that SHIT is stopping too 😉
I am gonna wake up, breathe in this wonderful life and know that I am gonna make a difference today 🙂
I define me not the other way around!!!!! Its time I start living that way 🙂
When is it time to put me first???
When my body can no longer stand.
When my mind is no longer my own.
When my soul is drenched in others blame games.
Diary when is it gonna be ok for me to come first???
By me coming first I mean my decisions on what to eat, what to feel, what to do with my spare time….. when will I stand up and say ENOUGH???
Uuuuuummmmm NOW 🙂
I can no longer allow others to stop me from wanting more for myself. I am just as much to blame as them for allowing them that type of control for so long.
No more control!!!!
I am a big girl hell I AM A WOMAN and I DO know what is good for me!!!!
Diary its time to take back control over all aspects of my life and enjoy the adventure 🙂
I am ready!!!!!!!!
I thought I was above those petty feelings… guess not 😦
For the past few months I have been religiously working out in the mornings, well this morning my beloved BOD was down 😦
Site getting a major over haul done to it which I do like by the way but Diary the upset after already waking up crabby was enough for me to get in a tailspin and act a fool. I am ashamed at myself because I really thought I was above that anger and hatefulness. Goes to show you that as humans we are always striving to be better each day and these are my beginnings.
But unlike other days that start off this way today I did something I hadn’t done before…. I meditated and released ……..by releasing you make a shift happen….. you make what you want happen.
So what did I make happen???
I meditated, finished my workout, and RELEASED all that tension, frustration, and morning anger…now I feel happier 🙂
I have to admit I missed working out this morning 😦
I told myself that even on my challenge rest days I was gonna get up and do the active recovery workout in Core De Force but the alarm went off and my body didnt budge.
I have been so sore with this program … its been a while since I have used my weights… so naturally my body called hell more like demanded a break so I happily obliged this morning 🙂
I also talked hubby into crawling back into bed and watching a movie with me… that right there is the best way to start your day 😉
I cant feel bad about doing this … feeling bad Diary will only make me feel like I didnt hold fast to my commitments and this will start to ROB me of my happiness in my weight loss. I am not about to let that happen.
I have to look at that extra time I spent with hubby this morning as a much needed time to help us both reconnect to each other …. and that connection goes hand in hand with my emotional well being which ties into my weight loss 🙂
These times being seen as useful reconnection times really outweigh the times when I try to start seeing it as wasted time. Holding true to this mindset Diary I find myself not only changing my views on how exercise can be implemented into my life as a healthy habit but also growing my relationships stronger at a much more intimate level.
Having that mental flexibility really does give you the control back into enjoying your healthier lifestyle.
Why do I feel like screaming diets dont work????
Ok maybe I am being a little over dramatic but it is so sad to see so many people buying the most expensive things (throwing their money away) on foods labeled sugar free or no sugar added 😦
Confession Time: I actually order my groceries online right now bc I feel like in Daddy Day Care when he stomped on the cereal box but to do this to complete strangers from their buggies might land me in deep shit..lol … so I order online and stay away from the grocery side at Wal-Mart altogether 😉
Years ago I would have argued with you that this stuff was good and diets worked it was just ME. I would have told you that I just didnt have it in me to ever lose weight therefore that is why the diets didnt work… good grief talk about negativity dripping all over those opinions. I was so mislead Diary to think that all the foods I seen in the stores was healthy 😦 No wonder my blood pressure was sky rocketing!!!!
And I cant even get started in how soda (pop) has become a staple of our food industry….. try to go pick up some food somewhere and not order a damn soda you would have thought that I had just told a team of preschoolers there was no Santa!!!! Geesh….. I really do like to drink water and no I dont feel like I am missing out on NOT drinking soda until you look at me like I have a zombie behind me then I am a little freaked out about YOUR reaction.
But Diary to actually lose a ton of weight and not ever buy those foods has me wanting to scream to the roof tops IT CAN BE DONE!!!!!!! and it doesnt have to be hard 🙂
The I Matter Movement has begun for myself……..
I am no longer happy with not doing the things I use to to feel like a confident badass woman. Now before you start about natural and inner beauty shining to radiate confidence yes I believe in all that too but there is something to my lashes/eyebrows being done and the lip gloss on that makes me feel like I can conquer the day true girlboss fashion 😉 Regardless if I am in heels, wedges, sweat pants, or tshirts I can totally move mountains on these days.
Somewhere I had lost the pizzazz to keep my hair edgy/spunky looking, my eyebrows waxed, and my lashes going strong…. one time in my life these things used to be so important for me to feel like I have the world at my hands. These things being done and maintained really helps me to feel more empowered. I am not gonna pretend I am not this kind of woman anymore bc I so am THIS woman and it is time I embrace it 🙂
I like the nicer things of life which doesnt make me feel bad anymore and then there is a side to me that loves to help, to run free in a meadow, and feel mud between my toes… these things do not make me weird, stuck up, or any other negative words I have heard in the past… nope these things just make me one wonderful human being 😉
Its time to embrace all of who I am.
There is just something about sunrises and sunsets 🙂
Standing at the window tea in hand listening to some beautiful meditation music and just REALLY taking it all in….sunrises are just magical at times…. being there in that moment, breathing in the pure innocence of the start to a new day had me really examining my life changes with JOY in my heart and pondering a little on what my coach/ friend had mentioned to me last night.
I know …why are you thinking while meditating???
This one incident Diary I feel like was needed to explore a deeper issue for me. See for every Core De Force Challenge I have had the same cold symptoms at the same time on each round… every time on the 2nd week I suffer from what feels like major sinus issues but I feel fine otherwise and my mucous hasnt turned green so I have been stumped 😦
Since I was so stumped I brought it up with my coach and good friend about this crazy cycle I am experiencing and always in the peak of everything going my way. She mentioned a video called Upper Limit. I admit I checked it out with mixed feelings at first. I felt like there was no way I was self sabotaging my workouts. I was showing up, getting those workouts in, feeling good, and really digging in to get results…or so I thought.
Short version of what Upper Limit is…… YOUR subconscious plays havoc with your body 😦 Meaning deep down I knew I felt like the weight loss shouldnt be this easy for me. I dont know what I expected but once the results started kicking in I felt my body involuntary move 2 steps back 😦
Today I surrounded myself with two things a beloved shirt that says Love is Enough and a cherished bracelet that states I Matter…. I kept these statements in my head all day allowing my happiness of where my body changes are to really become STRONGER than before and you know what Diary… it worked!!!!! I felt a lot better today with less nose drainage than the day before. Purely amazes me how strong our minds REALLY are at times 🙂
……and tonight I worked out for ME… I needed to take a break from sharing that important time with others and focus on it being ok for me to hit my goals…. I am gonna hit my goals and taking on this Upper Limit problem is just the starting point for me 😉
Today was a good day 🙂
I cant say I left the doughnuts alone but I did manage some bananas in today.
My morning schedule is going pretty AWESOMELY which surprises me because I never thought of myself as a morning person but then again I never DREAMED that I would make schedules and lists for my day either…which so happens that I love both…there really is something magical to a WELL PLANNED day 🙂
With this schedule change I have noticed that I just feel better when starting my day…. I am now pretty happy and look forward to the start of an INCREDIBLE work day. Man why did I wait so long to start falling in love with a more healthier, productive lifestyle??? I am truly the MOST happiest I have ever been in my life…. WOW!!!!!!
Treating exercise as a priority of my day really has shifted my mindset to where now I REALLY enjoy & LOOK forward to my workouts 🙂
It had to happen Diary…. I swallowed the healthier living kool aid